Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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