We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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