IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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