you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
