Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
