Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
