ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
so much tequila, so little girl.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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