Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
