I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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