So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
