Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
