Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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