the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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