i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
