It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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