Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
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He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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