Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
