i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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