Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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