The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
