you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
