wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
