dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
