We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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