I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
