Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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