omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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