don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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