we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
