just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Randomize
