last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
