Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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