According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
