i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
