It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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