do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
