He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
