we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
