if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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