2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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