I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
