Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
