whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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