evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
