My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
