bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
