You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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