first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
