I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
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Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
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The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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