We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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