never play flip cup with pint glasses
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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