I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
