I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
be right there i have to get my cape
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
