i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
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At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
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There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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