i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Redeem this text for a blowjob
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
