...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
