He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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