Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
