Don't you send me to vm
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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