Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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