the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together