I will die if light touches me.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
this just has baby written all over it
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.