Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
