I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.